Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Are Trying Way Too Hard To Seem Relatable

As we all know by now, Prince Harry is off the market engaged to actress Meghan Markle, and everyone is appropriately freaking tf out. For one, she’s American, which fulfills every American girl’s wildest, Disney-fueled dreams about studying abroad in the U.K. and marrying a prince. Secondly, Meghan is mixed race, meaning that the royal bloodline will be adding in some melanin for the first time since…ever. So obvs, we’re ferociously jealous very happy for Meghan and wishing her all the best. We’re sure she’ll be an excellent role model to young women everywhere, especially to women of color across the globe. Congrats and shit.

Now, with that out of the way, we’ve gotta talk about their first post-engagement interview with the, which was a true master class in British Try-Hard-ery. Hermione Granger, move the fuck over. There’s a new TTH in town, and she spells Megan with an ‘h.’ 

So first of all, let’s stop with the “relatable royals” act. When Harry refers to “our cottage,” he’s talking about this, the royal residence on the grounds of Nottingham Palace, where Queen Victoria was born:

So yeah, not exactly Shrek’s hut. 

Second of all, I just don’t buy this whole “We were just doing a casual Blue Apron and he got down on one knee out of nowhere!” If watching every episode of in one day and my obsession with Princess Diana biopics has taught me anything, it’s that nothing is a “surprise” when it comes to the royal family. Prince Harry probably had to clear this shit with like, 10 Dukes, 11 Cardinals, and The Queen her damn self before getting the OK to pop the question, plus Meghan must have notice he was slipping that uncomfortable af pea under her mattress every damn night.

(That’s a real thing…right?)

Finally, and this is my biggest issue here, it’s the idea that Meghan Markle’s first question when her friend said, “Hey I want to set you up with Prince Harry, second son of Princess Diana, brother to Prince William, fifth in line to the throne of England,” was, “Is he kind?”

NOPE. Girl, please. First of all, who actually uses the word “kind” when you can just ask if they are nice? I don’t care how poised and beautiful you are, no American speaks this way. Second, and more importantly, I don’t believe that shit for one second. “Is he kind?” is like, question 500, after 499 questions about exactly how rich he is, and one about his dick size. Then, maybe, you ask if he’s nice. MAYBE. Sure, Meghan is American, but being American doesn’t mean you don’t care about royals. I’m American and I can recall hundreds of important details about British royals at the drop of a hat. Just ask me about Queen Victoria’s 1840 wedding flounce made of Honiton lace—JUST ASK ME!!!! 

And it’s like, okay guys, I get it. You’re trying to be the “cool” royals who live in a cottage and send each other emojis and shit, but you’re still royal. Own it. Be like “Fuck yeah, we’re rich as hell and about to have the first British-American mixed-race royal baby! Suck on that, inbred ancestors!!!” Now that’s an interview I could get behind. 


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Author: Billy Roland

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