Close your eyes and think back with me, all the way back to 2006. was still on, we had never heard of a Kardashian, and Taylor Swift was 16 years old. She put out her first album, imaginatively titled “Taylor Swift,” and a star was born. You knew all the words to “Teardrops on My Guitar” even though you claimed to hate country music, and you were definitely a little jealous of how perfect her curly hair was. Seriously, she never should have fucked with her hair.
Basically, Taylor was your average teenage girl, but she just happened to be really talented and also very lucky. Nothing seemed forced, she just like knew how to play guitar and express her feelings like a functioning human being. Simpler times…
Taylor’s second album, “Fearless,” came out in 2008, and this was when things started to change. This was when she perfected her horrible surprised face at award shows, and it’s also when one of the most important events in this timeline happened—the Kanye incident at the . Taylor seemed timid and unsure of what to say at the time, but obviously it stuck with her for a long time. Like, in Taylor’s mind, Kanye is probably the root of most of her problems.
The next few years weren’t that notable, other than the cavalcade of famous boyfriends she wooed then tossed aside. Jake Gyllenhaal, John Mayer, Harry Styles, Conor Kennedy, you all know the drill. Songs were written about all of them, and mostly we still just enjoyed the music without worrying too much about Taylor’s mental state.
Honestly, things were going well until last Valentine’s Day, when Kanye West dropped a little song called “Famous.” Sound familiar? Approximately 30 seconds into the song, Kanye blessed us with the most important 16 words the world had ever heard: “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex. Why? I made that bitch famous.”
Taylor was, um, not thrilled, and publicly bashed Kanye, also denying his claim that she had given him permission to include the lyric in his song. But guess what? A BITCH (allegedly) LIED. Of course, we know this because Kim Kardashian is the petty queen of our hearts and released the video evidence on Snapchat, which will always be one of the best days of my life if we’re being honest.
That was when Taylor infamously asked to be excluded from the narrative that she had basically created, and really it’s been downhill for her from there. She spent the last year hiding from the press, so she could reinvent herself into an emo hip-hop wannabe, and next week, we finally get to hear the album that this Taylor came up with. You already know my thoughts on the three songs we’ve already heard, and I’m really hoping the rest doesn’t disappoint.
So, Taylor, here’s a message if you’re reading this:
I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairy tale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it’s too late for you
And your white horse, to come around